So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
