Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
