In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
