I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
