This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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