I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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