Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just had sex on a roof
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize