i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
