Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
