You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
