I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize