So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
