White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
