One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
