she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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