Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize