The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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