His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
