either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
