some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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