i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The uberlube is also flammable
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
