dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
