I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
