I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
