If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize