I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
