I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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