Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
