i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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