Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
