I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
