My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
