Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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