i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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