dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
