very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
