So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
