3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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