you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
