Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Randomize
