You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
