I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
