How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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