so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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