you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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