I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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