I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
