I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
