It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
