The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
