You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I can't put those talents on a resume
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
