But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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