i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
bring money and cleavage
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize