so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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