If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
