she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
