I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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