you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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