i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
