Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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