I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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