Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
