Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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