Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
