your parents love me but you hate me
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Is it because I queefed?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
