I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
