talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
