I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
