I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
