ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
