put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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