you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
