He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
