The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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