My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
