Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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