Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize