This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
