I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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