Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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