shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
