Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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