I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
