She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize