I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
