I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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