I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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