The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
