Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
