1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
