Just fell off a train. Bad.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
im calling her cock vulture from now on
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize