I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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