hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
