Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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