so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
