I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
