Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
